It’s Been A Month

since you left us. Ah Ma, how have you been? Have you met Ah Gong yet? I really miss you alot you know? I miss the way you call me silly, the way you always wave goodbye to me in your usual sofa seat and your familiar smile whenever I reach home. The silly me still stops at food stalls whenever I see something you like to eat, only to realise there’s no one home to eat it anymore.

Actually I’m sure everyone at home misses you, just that no one mentions it. This year, Chinese New Year seemed so different without you around! Normally by this time, you would have already done up some decorations at home and prepared lots of food for the new year, but this time I don’t think we will even have the willow plant.

You know Ah Ma, every night before I go to sleep, I always secretly hope to be able to meet you in my dreams where I can talk to you and tell you everything that happened, to hear your familiar voice and to hold on to your big warm palm. I also want to tell you how much I missed your cooking and how I never eat certain food outside because they simply cannot compare to the ones you make. I want to tell you how hard it is to learn Japanese and how I scored for all my tests in school. I want to tell you anything and everything.

Just now I was staring at your little red clock and when it showed the time you left us one month ago, tears came to my eyes. I can almost picture you wiping away my tears and telling me not to cry. Do you remember there was once when you tricked me into believing you passed away when you didn’t open your eyes when I called you? I still remember it clearly! I shook you really hard and kept calling out to you, all the while crying. Then you finally opened your eyes laughing, and told me not to cry. And then the scene when you left came back to my mind, and I see myself calling out to you the same way I did when I was young. However this time, you never woke up.

You always say you never expected that you will be able to stay with me for so many years, and how you are worried about me should the fateful day arrive. Now I really understand what you mean, because I’m really doing very badly. I miss you so much Ah Ma, I really do. Alot of the things we do as a family these days just don’t seem complete without you. Trips to the supermarket always seemed so much quieter and less fun, just because you aren’t around holding on to the trolley I’m pushing. Steamboat dinner at home always lack some flavour and atmosphere, maybe because there isn’t your chicken soup base and your familiar voice asking all of us to eat this and that. The other day Xuan still took out one more set of cutlery meant for you, only to realise his blunder and put it back. There are so many more incidents and these only proves how big a part you play in all our lives.

Ah Ma, we all miss you so much. Tell us how have you been doing if you got the chance ok? I’m sure everyone of us would want to know. Are you celebrating the New Year with Ah Gong this year? Tell me about it ok? You must also take good care of yourself, remember, you are 80 over years old, not 18 hor, don’t climb up and down like you do at home. I will always be here for you, just let me know if you need anything k, I will definitely get it done for you.

I love you Ah Ma, I will always do.