I used to have one entire tank full of fishes swimming about. However just 2 hours ago, I lost more than 50% of my tank population. Even those fishes that have survived from my first small little tank.

It is all my fault actually, because I was too engrossed with launching fiShyTank last night that I put off my water change routine to today, which most probably happens to be the day PUB adds chlorine to our tap water. And in my carelessness, I failed to notice the smell in the tap water and replaced one third of my tank’s water with chlorinated tap water.

So in a matter of minutes, my fishes started dying one by one despite me adding anti chlorine solution to the water after my water change. And now, my tank is in a big mess and my fishes are still dying. What an irony, a new version of fiShyTank versus a totally messed up fish tank in my room.

If I had a choice, I would prefer a messed up fiShyTank.

Sian.

March is the Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month.

Colorectal Cancer is the most common cancer in Singapore for men and women combined. Over 1,000 new patients are diagnosed each year. However, Colorectal Cancer is very curable if detected early and treated promptly.

I lost my dearest grandmother to Colorectal Cancer and it caused her quite a big amount of discomfort in the last days of her life. So if your loved ones are above 50, please tell them that having an annual colon screening can help detect the cancer early, and prompt treatment will very probably be very effective.

For more information about the Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, please visit The Singapore Cancer Society Website.

It’s seemed you have been gone for so long, Ah Ma. But in actual fact, it has only been 7 weeks.

张智成-很想你

你在哪里?这些年来如意不如意?
还快乐?还单纯?还美丽?
时光如何对你?
我在这里人海中的一座岛屿
很平静风平浪静
只除了深夜里回忆会疯狂来袭

我很想你,你知道吗
如果可以就让我再见你
美好微笑清澈眼睛
好确定那场分离只毁了我一个而已
我很想你,听见了吗?
这是唯一我无解的困境
那些过去不肯过去
不管我后来遇见多少人
只能叹息
都不是你

我在哪里?你会不会偶尔好奇?
有没有曾经怀疑?
我说我会忘记只是种好意

我很想你,你知道吗
如果可以就让我再见你
美好微笑清澈眼睛
好确定那场分离只毁了我一个而已
我很想你,听见了吗?
这是唯一我无解的困境
那些过去不肯过去
不管我后来遇见多少人
只能叹息
都不是你
都不是你
我只想爱你

since you left us. Ah Ma, how have you been? Have you met Ah Gong yet? I really miss you alot you know? I miss the way you call me silly, the way you always wave goodbye to me in your usual sofa seat and your familiar smile whenever I reach home. The silly me still stops at food stalls whenever I see something you like to eat, only to realise there’s no one home to eat it anymore.

Actually I’m sure everyone at home misses you, just that no one mentions it. This year, Chinese New Year seemed so different without you around! Normally by this time, you would have already done up some decorations at home and prepared lots of food for the new year, but this time I don’t think we will even have the willow plant.

You know Ah Ma, every night before I go to sleep, I always secretly hope to be able to meet you in my dreams where I can talk to you and tell you everything that happened, to hear your familiar voice and to hold on to your big warm palm. I also want to tell you how much I missed your cooking and how I never eat certain food outside because they simply cannot compare to the ones you make. I want to tell you how hard it is to learn Japanese and how I scored for all my tests in school. I want to tell you anything and everything.

Just now I was staring at your little red clock and when it showed the time you left us one month ago, tears came to my eyes. I can almost picture you wiping away my tears and telling me not to cry. Do you remember there was once when you tricked me into believing you passed away when you didn’t open your eyes when I called you? I still remember it clearly! I shook you really hard and kept calling out to you, all the while crying. Then you finally opened your eyes laughing, and told me not to cry. And then the scene when you left came back to my mind, and I see myself calling out to you the same way I did when I was young. However this time, you never woke up.

You always say you never expected that you will be able to stay with me for so many years, and how you are worried about me should the fateful day arrive. Now I really understand what you mean, because I’m really doing very badly. I miss you so much Ah Ma, I really do. Alot of the things we do as a family these days just don’t seem complete without you. Trips to the supermarket always seemed so much quieter and less fun, just because you aren’t around holding on to the trolley I’m pushing. Steamboat dinner at home always lack some flavour and atmosphere, maybe because there isn’t your chicken soup base and your familiar voice asking all of us to eat this and that. The other day Xuan still took out one more set of cutlery meant for you, only to realise his blunder and put it back. There are so many more incidents and these only proves how big a part you play in all our lives.

Ah Ma, we all miss you so much. Tell us how have you been doing if you got the chance ok? I’m sure everyone of us would want to know. Are you celebrating the New Year with Ah Gong this year? Tell me about it ok? You must also take good care of yourself, remember, you are 80 over years old, not 18 hor, don’t climb up and down like you do at home. I will always be here for you, just let me know if you need anything k, I will definitely get it done for you.

I love you Ah Ma, I will always do.

这个世界不会因为谁的离开而停止转动。

How true indeed.

I used to be able to hear your voice everyday.

I used to be able to see you first thing I wake up every morning.

I used to be told to be careful whenever I leave home.

I used to be greeted with a big smile whenever I end school early.

I used to be able to see the lights in our room turned on whenever I’m walking up the slope back home.

I used to be nagged to sleep early whenever I stay up till the wee hours of the morning.

I used to get up the bed lightly because I didn’t want to wake you up.

I used to be able to eat what you cooked everyday.

I used to worry about you being alone at home whenever I’m going out with xuan.

And so much more.

Now there’s none of what I am used to, only memories and sadness lingers.

I miss you.

如果蝴蝶会唱歌,
那会是悲伤的吗?
如果晚上想念你,
你会听见吗?
我看见你微笑的脸
只是有一点模糊
可能是眼泪吧.

你象蝴蝶飞离我的世界
我看不见你美丽的脸
眼泪流成河你还是学不会不会飞
你象蝴蝶采回我的时间
当我学会感动和感谢
我不停唱你还是听不见
听不见
我想说的话
你再也无法笑着回答
你现在的另一个家
有没有会唱歌的月光
是不是下雪会出太阳
会不会你还是想家
我在这里
还陪着你呼吸
我看着你
以为只是去散心

I’ve been feeling really really down and sad. So much so that there is hardly any smile on my face. These days I seldom smile, much less speak with my usual zest.

Every night before I sleep, I despair over the fact that it is one day less. Every morning I wake up, I lament over the fact that I’m one day closer to the dreadful day. Right now, I already have no more chance to hear the voice that I’m so used to hearing everyday. And soon, I fear I will not even have the chance to hold the warm hand that I’m so used to holding on to since young.

The human life is really fragile and the human emotion is such a powerful thing. Why give us the ability to love when there is going to be so much sorrow and tears at the end? Is it really worth it?

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples and took naps under the shadow. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by and the little boy grown up. He no longer played around the tree every day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad. “Come and play with me” the tree asked the boy. “I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees anymore” the boy replied.

“I want toys. I need money to buy them.” “Sorry, but I do not have money, but you can pick all my apples and sell them, then you will have money.” The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited. “Come and play with me” the tree said. “I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” “Sorry, I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.” So the man cut all the branches off the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. “Come and play with me!” the tree said. “I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?” said the man. “Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy.” So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you” the tree said. “No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite” the man replied. “No more trunk for you to climb on” “I am too old for that now” the man said. “I really cannot give you anything… the only thing left is my dying roots” the tree said with tears. “I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years” the man replied. “Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, come, come sit down with me and rest.” The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.

This is a story of everyone.
The tree is like our parents.
When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad…
When we grow up, we leave them, only coming to them when we needed something or when we are in trouble.
No matter what, our parents will always be there and give us everything they can just to make us happy.

You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents or family members.
We take them for granted and do not appreciate the things that they have done for us, UNTIL it’s too late.

I remember reading this story when I was very young, but then again, people don’t remember such stories until it’s too late.

Stay strong please, my dearest apple tree.

If you have got a life counter showing the numbers of days you have left to live, would you make everyday you have more meaningful? If you can see how many days your loved ones have to live, would you treasure every single moment with them more? The answer will most probably be yes because only then will you realise the importance of time and all the people around you.

However in life there is no such counter, so people always tend to take things for granted. Do you expect the ones you love to be there every morning you wake up? Have you ever thought about what to do if they are not around to do the things they usually do? Probably not, because it is human nature to take things for granted, to assume things will remain the same.

So I hope everyone reading this can live your life as though you have a life counter and treasure the people around you as though you know their life counter. Don’t let regret overcome you when nothing can be done anymore because everyone only live their life once.